Everyone has heard the saying, "Communication is key to a successful marriage", but I don't think just communication is necessary for a successful marriage. You need to be able to communicate clearly in order to have more success with your spouse in communicating.
One way to communicate more clearly would be to use a soft startup, as John Gottman would say. In his book, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, Gottman states: "A soft startup doesn't necessarily have to be...diplomatic. It just has to be devoid of criticism or contempt." A soft startup is approaching a subject or discussion starting in a calm manner. This allows for the communication between spouses to be more open, less on the defensive, and more clear.
Some ways that we can communicate more clearly are:
- the feedback loop
- slow down when speaking
- think about what you are going to say before you say something you will later regret
- repeat/restate what the other person has said to make sure you understand clearly
- listen better --> active listening and validation
- ask questions to clarify
- be mindful of tone
- don't be afraid of silence
- don't beat around the bush
- Use "I feel" statements
- focus on one issue at a time and not several things at a time
- express love clearly and frequently to spouse
President Harold B. Lee once said the following, "You're to teach the old doctrines, not so plain that they can just understand, but you must teach the doctrines of the Church so plainly that no one can misunderstand." This is talking about teaching, but I think it applies to communication, as well. We need to communicate not just so our spouses can understand, but so clearly and plainly that they cannot misunderstand. Communicating clearly will definitely benefit your marriage and strengthen it.
One way to communicate more clearly would be to use a soft startup, as John Gottman would say. In his book, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, Gottman states: "A soft startup doesn't necessarily have to be...diplomatic. It just has to be devoid of criticism or contempt." A soft startup is approaching a subject or discussion starting in a calm manner. This allows for the communication between spouses to be more open, less on the defensive, and more clear.
Some ways that we can communicate more clearly are:
- the feedback loop
- slow down when speaking
- think about what you are going to say before you say something you will later regret
- repeat/restate what the other person has said to make sure you understand clearly
- listen better --> active listening and validation
- ask questions to clarify
- be mindful of tone
- don't be afraid of silence
- don't beat around the bush
- Use "I feel" statements
- focus on one issue at a time and not several things at a time
- express love clearly and frequently to spouse
President Harold B. Lee once said the following, "You're to teach the old doctrines, not so plain that they can just understand, but you must teach the doctrines of the Church so plainly that no one can misunderstand." This is talking about teaching, but I think it applies to communication, as well. We need to communicate not just so our spouses can understand, but so clearly and plainly that they cannot misunderstand. Communicating clearly will definitely benefit your marriage and strengthen it.
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